Expect ‘Merrily We Roll Along’ to steamroll through the Tony Awards
Tonys look to ‘Roll’ deep
Coming up — the Tonys. Going to sleep — the audience.
Up for statuettes — “Prayer for the French Republic,” “Illinoise,” Kristoffer Diaz’s “Hell’s Kitchen.”
To stop a run on these box office smashes, it is always possible that Jersey Sen. Menendez’s wife Nadine may have secreted tickets in her closet.
Best Musical Revival to win? “Merrily We Roll Along” with Daniel Radcliffe.
Also it’s up for Best Leading Actor in a Musical, Best Featured Actor in a Musical, Best Direction of a Musical, Best Featured Actress in a Musical, Best Sound Design, Best Orchestrations.
Nobody’s going without bagels and cream cheese to grab tickets — just saying it’ll win.
There are voters who are heavily plumping for “Hell’s Kitchen.” Who else might’ve seen it, who knows. Even squeegee guys avoid that area.
And should I be wrong, if there’s a 300th high school version of “The Iceman Cometh,” do not inviteth me.
For Best Play Revival, money’s on “Appropriate.” Also on its star Sarah Paulson.
Broadway bucks
So why’s the Great White Way dimming? Money. Taxes. Prices. Crappy rehashes. Cost of tickets, parking, salaries, higher prices of Ubers or taxis, dinner, babysitters, traffic, bill for repairing your old air conditioner, to buy a drink at intermission is second only to a down payment on an apartment.
Also, may even Democrats be aware, Donald didn’t create the area’s Realtors or arithmetic.
Unless you grew up in the Okefenokee Swamp you know that patrons don’t love non-big names.
Also, producers don’t like high-running costs and not making their money back. Neither do concessionaires, bathroom attendants or ushers.
And everything costs more — transportation, designers, dressmakers, assistants, musicians, cleaners, ushers, Playbill printers, even that stuffed partridge in the third act’s pear tree.
Shows must go on
On TV, NY1’s B’way smart mouth Frank DiLella says next year will be a big-time B’way blockbuster.
Check names that were or will scratch onto marquees — Julia Roberts, Daniel Craig, Tom Hanks, Jake Gyllenhaal, Bradley Cooper. It’s becoming an elitist event.
Next season will include George Clooney, whose lawyer wife, accompanying him here to NYC, loathes and despises Israel.
Why will it be big next year? Because new projects didn’t do workshops during and following the pandemic.
And 2025’s projected average seat price — $200. Premium seats — like if you really want to see the stage — $500 to $600. Plus maybe another few quid for a service charge.
What a novel idea
One more cranky thing. Please will people who can’t create a play stop writing books?
Every over-the-hill actor is scribbling about a drunken father, a mother who played around and some memoir remembering how his uncle who lives in Pish Tush, Iowa, which abuts the incorporated village of Mush Mouth likes turnip soup?
Nobody even cares about you so why should we care about this dumb uncle? Nobody’s buying these books! Me, I am not writing one — even if I did I wouldn’t read it.
This small-time producer checked one gorgeous dancer for his coming musical. He said: “You’re just right. Right height, right movements, right face. What’s your salary?” She replied, “$2,500 a week.” “Sorry,” said the producer, “You’re too tall.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.
